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Broken Trot (6-27-2014)

cerise:I hated that you made it about Bailey and Sarah you should have made it about Will and Sarah

The reader has no right to dictate what pairings the writer uses and acting like they do crosses a reviewing etiquette on the reviewers part. This isn’t the same thing mind you as a review chewing out the writer for not giving any warning about certain “kinds” of pairings, like slash, incest, non-consensual, you name it. With the new character system that allows the reader to tag the characters in a pairing writers are having to use less warnings as well these days and some become redundant.

In this particular case the most popular pairing in the Horseland fandom is Will/Sarah. There are sixty-three stories for this particular fandom. Fourteen of these stories can be found by putting in Will and Sarah into the character search. This means that around one-fifth of the stories are about this particular pairing. On top of this eleven of the stories in the Horseland fandom are mine. Take them away and the percentage of Will/Sarah becomes even bigger and amounts to one-forth of the stories.

How is this fair to the other people in the fandom? Not everybody else wants to read Will/Sarah. I don’t mind reading it despite it being my preferred pairing, but I’ve also found it to be getting old. Not to mention the fact there is an… issue… with this particular pairing. Most of the writers don’t realize that there is likely a three year age gap between the two characters. Then again  I have to wonder if any of them realize that this three year age gap has legal ramifications and that the two really can’t date until Sarah turns eighteen. I don’t point this out because many of the kids who write this pairing are rather young and don’t understand the ramifications.

The main point is that I’m not going to write Will/Sarah just because someone tells me I’m wrong for liking and writing the ship I do. I thought about writing an AU… but you know what. At this point the AU is going to be a one-shot where Will turns Sarah down. And that is sure to go over well.

This also said… I’m seriously thinking about doing a Fanworks for this particular series… minus the M rated stuff. It might help some of the younger writers out. Unfortunatly… some of the writers for Fanworks that I’ve created… they’re stuff is M rated for a reason. So I might do something seperate for their stories. It’s a pain though keeping track of the two. I’ll need to think about it.

 

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Rose to Grey (07-18-2014)

Yesterday I got a couple of guest reviews come through on a story that hasn’t been updated since 2012 due to technical problems I did not foresee.  I’ve good reason to suspect that both reviews were written by the same person. I have a rule about not putting up with reviews from rabid fangirls who are obviously on some kind of personal vendetta just because someone decided to burst their bubble. My reason? I don’t want to pad my review count unfairly, some of my readers are trying to get away from these people and…

… the anonymous rabid fangirl review pretty much amounts to a bully tactic by certain fans who think they can run rampant on the review section in a manner that will cause ego bruising to the writer and will cause them to either cease updating or delete their fics all together. And why do they do it? Because they don’t like their bubbles burst and stories like mine force them to face realities that they don’t want to deal with. Or because they really do believe they are right.

So here are the reviews and my responses to them.

:Okay your story makes Momo and Toshiro seem so b***. One, I agree with the other review thst Momo is one of the sweetest characters. Also where has it been stated that Toshiro thinks of ichigo like a brother.

 

And…

:Sure your working on the third part. That’s why after two years it’s not done yet. Yes Momo does have a childish outlook sometimes. When she thought Aizen was dead that’s why she got angry. Though it’s pretty understandable.

 

Let’s start with the first sentence.

:Okay your story makes Momo and Toshiro seem so b***.

 

Toshiro and Momo aren’t meant to be getting along in this story and to imply that they should be getting along all the time is problematic in the fact siblings don’t always get along. Well… some siblings do, but most have their sibling spats. There are also times when things happen between two siblings and it takes time for things to heal between the two of them. This is one of the focal points of this particular story, the fact they’re having a sibling spat and not getting along as well as the fact there are things that need to be mended between the two of them. Take this away and the story is ruined.

 

One, I agree with the other review thst Momo is one of the sweetest characters.

 

And if this person had actually read my author’s note written in response to said person they would have read this line.

While it is true that Momo is one of the sweetest characters in Bleach she’s also got a temper on her and a very childish outlook on life. I actually dislike it when people write Momo as always being sweet only because she isn’t that way.

 

Let me repeat here that while Momo may be one of the sweetest characters in Bleach that she has a berserk button. To elaborate on why I dislike it when people write Momo as always being sweet… it’s bad writing. Momo’s fatal flaw is her berserk button as well as her childish naivety. When people take away her berserk button flaw, they also tend to take away her childish naivety and we end up with a character with no fatal flaws, who is perfect… yes… a Mary Sue. 

Sure… people can work with her so she can over come her fatal flaws, but practically no one tries to make her over come the fatal flaw but instead erases the flaw from her characterization as if it never existed. I’ve actually found that the ones that try to address the fatal flaws Momo still tend to struggle with her characterization as there are no strong fatal flaws to counter balance the ones she lost.

Of course… there is another scope I’ve seen which is just as bad if not worse. I’ve also seen stories where Momo’s berserk button is still there minus her childish naivety. Except… the writer didn’t intend it as a berserk button as there is no reason to someones berserk button. Instead the writer has Momo go off because of some feminine injustice that she needs to stand up for. Problem? These feminine injustices are contrived and unrealistic, many of them showing off the immaturity of the writer.

Truth of the matter is Momo is a canon character who is a prime candidate for younger writers to self insert themselves into. I’m sad to admit there are some adults out there as well who use her for self inserting themselves. She’s close to a bunch of the guys the writer likes… Toshiro tending to be the main candidate. She is high ranking and supposedly can kick butt*. She’s also cute, has a personality like Bella Swan… yeah… I just compared Momo to Bella Swan. One of the differences though between her and Bella Swan is that her flaws within canon are treated as flaws and she doesn’t get away with her behaviors either… or the behaviors she does get away with are played for comedic effect.

Also where has it been stated that Toshiro thinks of ichigo like a brother.

 

In my story.  And I quote…

The boy simply shuffled his foot, refusing to give his reply to the question. Izuru though spoke up for him. “That’s because Kurosaki isn’t a stranger to Hitsugaya Taicho anymore.” He then glanced down at the ground. “Which is strange as you aren’t known for getting close to people.”

“I know that.” Toshiro responded.

“So the two of you became friends.” Momo asked rather suddenly.

The small taicho remained silent for a few minutes before speaking up again. “No. I wouldn’t call our relationship really friendship. Kurosaki is like an older brother. Except the funny thing is he is younger then me.”

I say “in my story in this one” because in this particular story Toshiro comes to the conclusion that his relationship with Ichigo is like that of siblings within the story. It’s the way his thought process ended up working. No where in canon has it been out right stated that Toshiro or Ichigo think of each other as siblings, where as it has been stated quite clearly for Momo and Toshiro in the first character book. Even if it isn’t stated outright one can come to the conclusion that they have a sibling like relationship with each other. I mean… many people have come to that conclusion about Momo and Toshiro without reading the first character book.** I could go into a long essay about why Toshiro and Ichigo have a sibling like relationship with each other… if I find myself with the time to write it that is. This isn’t the place for it, so I’ll simply say that the context clues are there within the canon that they have a sibling like relationship.

:Sure your working on the third part. That’s why after two years it’s not done yet.

 

This particular line is why I feel that this particular anon wasn’t simply leaving rabid rants but was trying to bully me into writing the way they want me to write… which means having Momo always being as sweet as possible and possibly even having her paired with Toshiro… or to quit writing all together and delete all works that do not confirm to their view point.

It is honestly very poor etiquette for any reviewer to bring up the fact a writer hasn’t updated in so many years. It’s even ruder to snark about how the writer can not be working on the third part because ‘it would be updated already if that were true’.

Wrong.

It can take a long time to write some things. In this particular case I’m actually very OCD about this particular chapter. I’ve also had to deal with computer issues as well as the current arc getting darker then even I expected it to go. People who make these kinds of statements don’t know what its like being stuck trying to get just the right sentence to progress the story along.

Yes Momo does have a childish outlook sometimes. When she thought Aizen was dead that’s why she got angry. Though it’s pretty understandable.

Is this person even up to date with the current canon of Bleach? Because I certainly have seen Momo lose her cool in canon twice since the time she thought Aizen was dead. One of these times was when she jumped into Matsumoto Rangiku’s battle thinking that she was helping when she wasn’t*. The second of these times occurred in the recent arc where she tries fighting Bambietta Basterbine and has to have her butt rescued by Komamura Taicho.

And no… it isn’t pretty understandable. There is a reason it is called irrational behavior. True… Momo is prone to having irrational behavior because of her character and thus it is understandable why she ends up acting in a childish manner. The argument here though is that there is some rationalization as to why she acted the way she did when Aizen died and yet the way she is acting within has no actual rationalization as to why she is acting the way she is. This is despite the fact the rationalization for both is pretty much the same.

I mean… really?

One of the things I like about Momo is that she is childish and immature. This is in contrast to Toshiro who while being an actual child struggles to act childish and is constantly acting in a mature manner. She ends up being a foil for him.


* Momo really isn’t a character who can kick butt like many of her fans think. She’s always causing trouble for others when she fights. This includes when fans think she went and rescued Matsumoto Rangiku from Haribel’s fraccion. In reality she messed up Rangiku’s plans and made things worse and as a result caused three fukutaicho ranked shinigami to be taken out. We still haven’t seen what makes her fukutaicho material, her only strength being her healing kido. Even her other kido skills are questionable.

** I know that many Hitsuhina fans will argue that it is not obvious to them, so it can’t be true that many people have come to this conclusion without the first character book. I wish to point out here that the Hitsuhina fans are not the only Bleach fans out there as well as the fact they don’t make up the majority of the Bleach fans either. They’re a minority.

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HSG (11-30-2013)

You need to make more. I want to see what the SS does when they find out what happened to Toshiro. Great story those, I had a great time reading it. :)
There is actually a sequel planned. It has been planned for some time. I just haven’t gotten around to writing it.
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Lost Child (11-22-2013)

Shiro-chan is just too cute this way! And poor Matsumoto is goin’ to miss it, that’s so unfair :C
I have a feeling that Kusaka is going to be a bad guy.

Yeah. It is kind of sad she is going to miss out on Toshiro being cute like this. No, I have no plans at this point of making Kusaka the bad guy. He’s actually going to be feeling a different role.

I feel really bad Toshiro, especially for when the soul society find out he and Kusaka share the same zanpaktuo. If he and Kusaka have to fight for hyourinmaru, like in the movie, its going to be really hard for Toshiro to win.

They’re not going to have the same zampaktuo. I personally believe the only reason Kusaka came to have Toshiro’s zampaktuo was because Toshirio’s rieatsu negatively effected things thus pretty much over riding Kusaka’s real zampaktuo.

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Lost Child (11-19-2013)

Omg, don’t make Ran Aizen’s slave, please! Don’t make her have his kid! Omg, omg, omg, Gin, find her and save her, quickly! Or Issin-san!
I’d love to see Rangiku hugging Toshiro like that, comforting him, making him feel safe and loved. I’m sure she’s going to be an awesome mom. Shiba can take Momo. I don’t care about her at all. But Shiro’s place is with his mommy and daddy

It is still up in the air exactly what Aizen is going to do to Rangiku. Gin will not be finding her fast as Aizen is not someone he can simply move against in a quick manner. It’s why it took him so long in the original canon. Because of this Toshiro won’t be able to be with his mother and father. Sorry to disapoint.

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“Adaptions”

There is a type of fic certain people call “adaptions”. Adaptions are where a writer takes a story from one fandom. They strip the stories characters away and replace them with characters from another fandom.

This is not writing.

No, seriously… this is not writing. Taking another person’s story and typing it up either word for word or even paraphrasing it doesn’t take much effort. What effort that goes into transcribing another persons story is nothing compared to the work it takes to come up with your own story. Replacing the characters with other characters also takes little effort.

It’s cheating.

Yes, other people do it and you can find these stories online because nobody has bothered to report them and the site admins take a long time to take care of the works reported to them. People also cheat on tests and get away with it. People get away with putting graffiti on the sides of buildings. People getting away with things doesn’t make it right nor is it a defense for doing the wrong thing. In fact, it makes doing it even worse.

Why?

Why do people do it? It is typically for one or more of the following reasons.

  1. They don’t have confidence in their own writing.
  2. They want more reviews.
  3. They see other people doing it.

What if a person is inspired by something?

It is actually possible to write a story that is inspired by various tales without plagiarizing the actual storyline. You have to go and make it your own and you have to understand how to write this particular story. The idea isn’t to adapt the material. The idea is to create something new. An example is Cinderella. While each of the adaptions of the material shares minor traits each of the adaptions is its own unique version.

When a writer creates a Cinderella story it will have the following traits.

  1. The main characters mother dies.
  2. Her father remarries and she gets a stepmother.
  3. Her stepmother and stepsisters treat her like a slave.
  4. Her fairy godmother helps her get to the ball.
  5. The prince finds her shoe and thus finds her.

Let’s say though a writer were to create a story where Cinderella has the ability to talk to animals and she makes clothes for the mice. She has a beautiful singing voice and lives in the attic. She is told she can not go to the ball because she has no dress and her mother’s old dress is not good enough as it is out of style. The mice steal various items and make her an outfit. However, when she went down stairs she found her dress being ripped apart by her step sister. She stays there and cries while her step siblings take off. Her fairy god mother shows up and makes her a beautiful dress with glass slippers.

These traits are distinct to Disney’s Cinderella and are part of what makes it unique.

Why do you bring this up?

I talked to someone about this and I thought I had convinced them that they needed to make the story their own. They talked to someone else who linked them to stories that slap canon characters in the place of other canon characters and admitted that the subject is controversial. They then blocked me. To me this is sadly an admittance of guilt. Believe me, I’ve seen the site admins remove these stories in the past when I have reported them and the admins have been doing their job well when it has come to reports.

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Red and White (11/5/2013)

Let me just point this out to relief my itch…
“Then” and “Than” are 2 very different things…
Please specify and add more dhttp://yemihikari276.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post-new.phpetails as to whom you’re talking about, like a “certain girl” made me thought for a moment that another person came into the conversation…
There is also the part where you tend to make a lot of typographical errors
Perhaps a beta reader would be fitting…
Another advice is to actually put descriptions in the dialogue like the last chapter ‘Don’t listen to Rukia-nee and blah’, add something like “There was a crumpled paper atop the contents of the box with a message scribbled haphazardly, [enter content of the paper]“
I really hope you improve and to limit the OOC-ness…
The over-all story was interesting but the language was very confusing…

The first chapters for Red and White were written over five years ago. Anything from back then has quite a few grammar problems and even though I have improved grammar wise I still expect people to point out my grammar errors including the fact I use “then” and “than” and having a Beta reader would be nice. Finding a good one though is a problem as the two good ones I have had have come and gone from the site and the other one I had wasn’t a good Beta.

That said, if you’re going to lecture a person about typographical errors in a story you really should avoid typographical errors yourself when you review. A writer using “then” and “than” which are homophone errors honestly seems minor to the tense errors that you have. The word “relief” should be “relieve” and the word “thought” should be “think”.

I’m going to move along to the dialog you’re referring too.

“Maybe, I just have a really good memory. Don’t listen to what Rukia says. This is ‘giri choco’, not ‘honmei choco’.” What did she mean by…” Toshiro suddenly saw the exact contents of the box that had been under Karin’s hastily scrawled letter, which was also rather crumpled.

I’ll admit that it could have been better written and if I were to rewrite it today I would rewrite it something like this.

“Maybe I just have a really good memory. Don’t listen to what Rukia says. This is giri choco, not honmei choco.” What did she mean by…” Toshiro then saw the exact contents of the box that had been under Karin’s hastily scrawled  and crumpled letter.

Your solution though would have been to write it like this.

“Maybe I just have a really good memory.” There was a crumpled paper atop the contents of the box with a message scribbled haphazardly [that read] “Don’t listen to what Rukia says. This is ‘giri choco’, not ‘honmei choco’. Toshiro shook his head. “What did she mean by…” Toshiro then saw the exact contents of the box that had been under the letter that Karin had written him.

The problem with your solution comes down to the fact the message Karin wrote him was read out loud and your solution pretty much makes it so said message was no longer read out loud. While I could have said he read the message out loud having actual dialog where he reads said message out loud isn’t incorrect and which way a writer goes (whether to have the message read out loud in the dialog or say that it was read out loud) depends on what they’re trying to convey to the reader. I choose on purpose to have Toshiro say it out loud inside of the dialog rather then mentioning it.

Next… you say that “[you] really hope [I] improve and to limit the OOC-ness…” only to not provide any explanation as to where I was making the characters OoC within the story. I don’t know if I’ve improved grammar wise by your standards as you’ve not read anything that I’ve written in the five years since and not offered to tell me if I have or not.

As for the OoC issue… accusations of OoCness should be given with an explanation as to why a person thinks said characters are OoC so the person can either use it to their advantage or counter it.

P.S. Thank you for pointing out the “then” and “than” issue and the fact I do have a bit of odd language when I write which is particularly true in some of my older works.