The story was really good until you got to the part where Rangiku told Toshiro she first met Gin when he gave her that dried persimmon. The whole point of this fic is that Rangiku and Gin are Toshiro’s parents, but that small part clicked against everything. I understand that you wanted to stick with canon, but thinking the fact they were just children when they first met and had life before that and Rangiku had child? Umm, no. Even though souls can be extremely old, because the aging system, Rangiku having a child when she, herself was a child doesn’t seem plausible.
Yes, it is plausible. The fact Gin refers to himself and Rangiku as children in the story does not mean they were not old enough to have a child of their own. There is such a thing as teenage pregnancy, where anyone whose under the age of eighteen has a child. Gin and Rangiku at the time of the persimmons where very young, but physically they were preteens or young teens much in the same manner Toshiro is now. They simply need to have hit puberty.
During the scene where Gin is shown giving Rangiku persimmons you see only the upper half of her, but the viewer is able to see she’s developed in the chest area. That’s a sign that at this point in time she’s hit puberty. The question comes up whether or not Gin actually hit puberty or not. That is the deciding factor on whether this is possible or not. Physically Gin is the same age Toshiro is now, and since Toshiro is either just about to hit puberty, or has just hit puberty, the same can be held for Toshiro.
Yes, it is possible for Toshiro to have a child. The real reason I think this upset the reader is because this touches upon the subject of teenage pregnancy. Fact, Rangiku and Gin did not have any positive influences in their lives like Toshiro does, so they had no one to explain how to properly pursue a relationship with each other, or where boundaries lie. Another fact, this is a hundred years before our time where people did marry as young as Rangiku and Gin are.
I could possibly say this is the fault of me not adding author’s notes, but I also assumed people were aware Rangiku and Gin were at least preteens at that point in time, and not six year old kids. I mean, Rangiku would not have already been developed in the chest if she were only six.
And even if we would pretend she HAD a child when she was a child, there should have been some marks she had given birth. It should have become obvious at least then when she joined Gotei 13 and more than likely had regular checkups at 4th Division. I don’t believe Unohana or any other doctor had let it slip and there why Rangiku should have known she was mother or at least given birth even though she didn’t remember.
Why would Unohana break patient confidentiality? It is completely possible for a woman to know they’ve given birth if they’ve lost their memories. Why? All evidence that a woman has given birth are interior, not exterior. Rangiku might believe she’s had sexual relationships with someone, but not that she’s been a mother. Unohana’s approach would have been to ask, but not push, as that is proper when someone has amnesia. She would have noted it somewhere in Rangiku’s file though.
Yet you kept pushing the idea she was innocent and didn’t remember. Plus, how that even works? How could she forget her life before? You never gave explanation to that. You just twisted that plot point to suit your story, just like when you made Rangiku admit she always thought Toshiro as her son.
Have you ever heard of amnesia, or mothers instinct? The fact Rangiku forgot she had a child would not negate the mothers instinct to protect said child. Thinking that Toshiro is her son is also not the same as knowing, and can easily be brushed off as wishful thinking. She’s not admitting to Toshiro that she knew, but that she always had a feeling he was hers.
If anything, she was his friendly coworker which you would know if you could read her character a bit, because in canon we see her flirt with Toshiro and tease. Yes, we can say there isn’t anything romantic between them if you aren’t HitsuMatsu shipper, but parent-child-love? Umm, no.
I’m suddenly thinking the writer is a Rangiku/Toshiro shipper whose displeased with the fact I turned their pairing into incest. If they’ve payed any attention to canon they would have noticed the scene where she is fukutaicho, and he third seat. I wouldn’t call pulling on his cheeks the act of a friendly coworker.
I’m also going to disagree with the idea that she’s constantly flirting with Toshiro. Teasing him, yes, but not flirting. The teasing involves her watching him squirm, and act uncomfortable when she hugs him, as he’s actually you know – acting his age. I also find it funny that this person would lambaste me for having Gin and Rangiku have a child at the same age Toshiro is, and yet they’re advocating for a pairing between Rangiku and Toshiro.
Flirting for Matsumoto is getting guys drunk on the floor to the tenth division office stripped down to their underwear, and yet we never see her do this to Toshiro. One could argue she’s going easy on him because he’s a minor, but doesn’t this go back to an earlier point? Add to this, even the filler doesn’t really cross the line from teasing a young child to get him to act his age into flirtations of the romantic short.
This isn’t about me not seeing the romance between the two because I’m not a HitsuMatsu shipper either. It’s not there, period, and is based purely on personal interpretation. I will admit here that my theory that Gin and Rangiku as Toshiro’s parents is based on personal interpretation, but I’ve got a whole lot more then Matsumoto’s hugs and squeeing at how cute her child taicho is to go by.
I’m also a tad bothered that Matsumoto thinking her child taicho is cute is construed as only possible if she had romantic feelings for him. I hate it when anybody concludes that a certain reaction is only possible via romantic feelings, when in real life this isn’t true. If the logic means everybody would be bonking each other, then it’s actually not proof of romantic feelings. Feel free to interpret it that way, but don’t go forcing your interpretations on other people.
Also, did you just make Ukitake call Rangiku as ‘Ran-chan’? Ukitake has only called Toshiro such a friendly name (Shiro-chan).
Why can’t Ukitake have pet names for other characters? The fact we only see Toshiro called by a nickname doesn’t mean there aren’t others. This also said, I do believe that there is a point in time in the series when he called Byakuya by a nickname. He’s also talking to Gin there, trying to make Gin feel more comfortable about spilling the beans.
You also made Byakuya gossiping person which he isn’t. He hadn’t any reason to tell Renji Toshiro just lost it at captains’ meeting, because that isn’t ‘noble’ or sort of, so Byakuya was a bit OOC in there.
As told by Renji to another person, thus his re-accounting of what his taicho said isn’t accurate. What Byakuya was ranting about was Gin, and very briefly mentioned the fact this caused the young taicho to become quite upset. Ranting also isn’t the right word for what Byakuya was doing.
Not to mention Toshiro…I put past his actions the whole time, until that whole Rangiku-part. You made Toshiro more brat than he was, emphasizing he is child WHOLE THE TIME. Only once you made clearly he wasn’t by Gotei 13’s standards, but otherwise you kept making him a child. Toshiro is cool and composed person who wouldn’t keep pressing matter like you made in Gin’s case. Plus even though it would shock anyone, people who they thought they knew had been lying to them whole the time, Toshiro would have eventually approached the situation by logic and more composed manner instead just yelling and acting petty manner which you made him once Gin had made his revelation. That was OOC with Toshiro.
Yet another person who likes seeing Toshiro the way they want to see him, and not how he really is.
Mind you, this is coming from a Toshiro/Rangiku fan, and I’ve only come across a small handful who will actually admit that Toshiro is at this point in time a child, and thus address this in some manner in their stories. They’re pretty good writers to, and I’ve read their stories.
Still, Toshiro’s a child. It makes me really sick and tired when people try to treat child geniuses as mini adults who will constantly act like adults. Toshiro has been shown to lose it within canon, even up into the 1000 Year arc. So no, that’s not accurate. Nor is the idea that Toshiro wouldn’t push the matter. That’s actually what an adult whose acting cool and composed would do in said situation. That is in other words the logical thing to do.
And of course he’s going to get really upset at what Gin just said. I wouldn’t call it petty though, or say he was acting like a brat. It’s rather disappointing that the reader ascribed such words to Toshiro, as that implies he was being selfish at that point in time. I wouldn’t call anyone, whether they were an adult or child a brat, or acting in a petty manner if they found out what he did, and reacted the way he did. That’s just cruel, and rude.
Toshiro has every right to act the way he did in the story I wrote, so please don’t act like he didn’t. Not the best behavior, but he still has the right to let off some steam somehow, as that is healthy.
Not to mention you ended this one-shot kind of into a wall…we never got closure about Gin’s trial even though the name was ‘trial’. I understand you wanted to make this one-shot’s point about that, Gin and Rangiku were Toshiro’s parents and he learned about that, but it would have been nice if there had been proper closure what happened to Gin.
Nice, but not necessary. I actually left this open to interpretation for my readers. One of the things this does is hopefully encourage them to write their own stories.
In the long run I’ve decided to delete this anonymous review. It felt to much like the writer was trying to hide behind anonymous status so I couldn’t retort. There is also a ship-slant here, and I try to keep my reviews free of such material because the real reason behind the review is typically to trash the fact someone isn’t using their OTP, and if someone is going to do that, they should have at least the common decency to sign in.
I’d let it through at first because I hadn’t noticed the OTP rant.