Alright, I’ve been reading this story, and I just wanted to say, there are a few things that are really keeping me from fully enjoying it.
It is a collection of one-shots. While there is an over all theme to all of the stories and some happen to be sequels to others each one-shot is an individual story. That being said I don’t grantee that all of the stories will work let alone be consistent in quality because what I’m working with his theoretical.
For one thing, Toshiro is acting pretty OOC in a lot of these chapters. You’ve been making him cry more than a baby, sometimes over things that even regular people wouldn’t cry over, let alone Toshiro. In both the manga and anime, it’s shown that he only cried once, and that was before he became a harden shinigami and had to leave his granny. Other than that, even with all the horrible things happening to him, he hasn’t cried.
Which chapters? I think it is rather unfair to say that I have written him OoC in a lot of chapters and not telling me which ones you believe I wrote him OoC. That makes it hard for one to defend oneself from allegations. Here is a list of some if not all of the chapters in which I have Toshiro cry.
- Chapter 12: Snatched ~ Toshiro says goodbye to Rangiku and has a few tears as he says good-bye to her. There is no crying like a baby there, just a few tears.
- Chapter 25: Death ~ Irony here is in this particular chapter Toshiro questions why he himself is crying. The answer though comes from the fact he finds himself morning the death of someone in a non-public place and a few tears coming because of it isn’t out of the question. On top of this we don’t know how sensitive the issue of parents is too Toshiro either.
- Chapter 35: Broken Trust II ~ Toshiro was beat up to the point he up chucked his meal. He is then dragged into where the Quincy are and has his entire world turned upside down because they tell him that he is blood related to them, his enemy. He’s also dealing with a painful injury to the side. This is one of the times that he was crying really hard and fast.
- Chapter 46: Jail of My Heart ~ Did I not make it clear that Toshiro had a fever in this particular one-shot? On top of this he’s gone through a horribly humiliating situation.
- Chapter 48: Bad Homecoming ~ He has a few tears of relief because he finds out Rangiku is alive.
- Chapter 50: Forgiveness ~ His eye’s are watering up because he’s mad.
- Chapter 60: Despair ~ The attack explains this one.
These were all the occurrences of Toshiro crying within the first sixty chapters. Only two of the situations does he cry like a baby, the other situations the crying is minute. I’m also going to argue that we don’t know how Toshiro reacts when he is not in a public situation. That’s never been covered in the Manga.
His childhood friend trying to ‘avenge’ her dead father figure captain by killing him? No.
Instead he loses his temper. Not a good example.
That friend begging him to save the now realized psychotic killer ex-captain, even after that same killer almost killed her and her childhood friend, thereby showing how mentally unstable she has gotten? None.
Sorry, but no. This is not the same thing as having to say goodbye possibly forever to someone you greatly care about. It’s not the same as having a fever that effects your train of thought. It is also not the same as finding out the truth about your parents. No matter how much you try to paint this as being a significant emotional event for someone, particularly since Toshiro knows full well what was going on. On top of this he was on a mission and the head captain was there and intervened before any emotional stress could be caused for Toshiro.
His dead academy friend coming back to destroy everything he’s been trying to protect, trying to get him to join in? He was SAD, yes, but he didn’t shed a tear.
Toshiro’s mind was focused on a.) surviving and b.) making sure that the matter was handled with the honor it should have been handled with. Toshiro still had some pretty bad emotional problems.
His childhood friend having to get her organs regenerated because he stabbed her through the heart? No tears shed, and that’d be a pretty good reason to do so. ALL of these reasons are.
The problem with this argument is that a month had passed since the events of the Winter War. There is no telling if Toshiro did any crying during that month. We do know that he goes into the destructive behavior of training himself to be stronger because he blames himself. His working on fully mastering Bankai comes back to bite him later on.
I know this may seem like I’m nitpicking, that this little thing shouldn’t matter very much, but a large part of Toshiro’s character is that he’s cold and angry, not showing much emotion outside of irritation and anger, with happiness being sprinkled in there. No matter what’s happening to him, he wouldn’t just sob over it, ESPECIALLY in battle, ESPECIALLY in front of people he doesn’t know, and ESPECIALLY after the time skip, where it’s shown that he’s gotten a pretty good hold over his emotions.
Toshiro’s own words about himself is that he seems cold and angry as he is unable to show emotion around people he doesn’t know. This does not mean Toshiro is in complete control of his emotions. While there were times where he cried in front of strangers in the one-shots he never cried during battle except for chapter sixty which is self explained.
Chapter twelve he’s facing Rangiku and not the stranger. Chapter twenty-fie is not in front of strangers. Chapter thirty-five has him majorly beaten up and chapter fourty-six has it so he has a major fever. Chapter fourty-eight involves him have a few tears of relief upon finding out that she is alive.
The first irony comes from the fact these were written before the chapters that seemed to show that Toshiro has come to be more in control of his emotions. The second irony comes from the fact the most recent chapters show Toshiro still has problems controlling his emotions as he is still a child. If he had such vast control of his emotions he wouldn’t have the shocked look on his face when Rangiku was thrown in front of him. Which also backs up what the fact many of the times he’s cried it has related to Rangiku of all people.
Also, though I did like how you used his attack here, giving a reason why Toshiro might not would have a good hold over his emotions, it doesn’t make too much sense, since the ‘fire bar’ is called Burner Finger 1. All it is is a concentrated and powerful beam of fire. Nowhere anywhere did anyone say that it, or Bazz-B for that matter, had or has the ability to inflict despair onto a person. The only reason the page where it was used said “Fire Bar Of Despair,” was because it shot through a captain with ease. It might make the surrounding shinigami, along with other shinigami, feel despair by making them think ‘Oh no, they defeated a captain with just a finger, we have no chance’ or things like that, but the attack itself most likely does not have that ability.
The only reason the page read “Fire Bar of Despair” was because it was a mistranslation in the early scanlation. It now reads “Fire Bar Number One” and “A flaming pillar of despair.” It is true that there was no point that said that was or wasn’t the additional ability of Bazz-B’s attack. Thing is these one-shots are theoretical pieces and that one-shot was based around the theory that feeling despair was an additional effect of Bazz-B’s attack. It didn’t say at the time of writing said one-shot that it wasn’t the additional ability either.
Another thing, I know that this is because this story is related to another one of your’s that revolves around Toshiro and Bambietta being twins, and so you’re going around the “Opposite Twin” idea, but I don’t think you can fully do that here. The Stern Ritter follow a system in which they are given a letter that corresponds with their ability. Having Bambietta have a fire-based attack system isn’t sensible, as the SR both assigned her with “E” and already has someone with fire-based attacks. If she had fire as her way of fighting, then she would have either been assigned “F” or share “H” with Bazz-B.
How about eruption? Or what is even more likely based on the latest chapters, explosion? It’s not yet been proofed one way or another, though her explosion based attacks could also be energy based. I’m also going to point out that the other story you mentioned is related to this story and not the other way around as it was started because I started tossing theories around.
If you ARE going with the “Opposite Twin” idea, then you don’t have to do anything with Toshiro and Bambietta except write out to the best of your ability their own personalities, as by themselves they are pretty unlike each other; where Toshiro is generally a calm and cold person, getting irritated a lot, but not venting out on people outside of yelling at them, Bambietta is generally an angry and sadistic femme fatale. straight out killing men after leading them to her under false pretenses to vent her anger, with bits of calm here and there.
Theoretical is theoretical. It means that you’re going to be making a lot of guess work and you’re not always going to be right. However, theoretical work also means that the writer has a good enough grasp of their theory to make it work. Sure, I don’t have to have Bambietta be fire based power wise for it to work, but her having fire based powers is in fact a theory. Until it is proven otherwise… well, there is nothing wrong with me writing it.
I’m sorry for the length of this review, and I don’t mean for this to be an attack or flame of any kind. I’m just suggesting that you try to change some things to make this story better, because I LOVE this idea, and I would love to see it written as greatly as it can. 🙂
This is a collection of one-shots. Actually, this is a collection of theoretical one-shots. They’re not going to be perfect, they run the chance of being debunked and practically every single one of them will eventually end up being AU even if the theories used in them are right. I’m not going to go back and change things because the canon changed, that defeats the whole purpose of theoretical work. Actually, it goes against the whole point of a one-shot collection like I’m doing.