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Lost Child (11-22-2013)

Shiro-chan is just too cute this way! And poor Matsumoto is goin’ to miss it, that’s so unfair :C
I have a feeling that Kusaka is going to be a bad guy.

Yeah. It is kind of sad she is going to miss out on Toshiro being cute like this. No, I have no plans at this point of making Kusaka the bad guy. He’s actually going to be feeling a different role.

I feel really bad Toshiro, especially for when the soul society find out he and Kusaka share the same zanpaktuo. If he and Kusaka have to fight for hyourinmaru, like in the movie, its going to be really hard for Toshiro to win.

They’re not going to have the same zampaktuo. I personally believe the only reason Kusaka came to have Toshiro’s zampaktuo was because Toshirio’s rieatsu negatively effected things thus pretty much over riding Kusaka’s real zampaktuo.

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Lost Child (11-19-2013)

Omg, don’t make Ran Aizen’s slave, please! Don’t make her have his kid! Omg, omg, omg, Gin, find her and save her, quickly! Or Issin-san!
I’d love to see Rangiku hugging Toshiro like that, comforting him, making him feel safe and loved. I’m sure she’s going to be an awesome mom. Shiba can take Momo. I don’t care about her at all. But Shiro’s place is with his mommy and daddy

It is still up in the air exactly what Aizen is going to do to Rangiku. Gin will not be finding her fast as Aizen is not someone he can simply move against in a quick manner. It’s why it took him so long in the original canon. Because of this Toshiro won’t be able to be with his mother and father. Sorry to disapoint.

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“Adaptions”

There is a type of fic certain people call “adaptions”. Adaptions are where a writer takes a story from one fandom. They strip the stories characters away and replace them with characters from another fandom.

This is not writing.

No, seriously… this is not writing. Taking another person’s story and typing it up either word for word or even paraphrasing it doesn’t take much effort. What effort that goes into transcribing another persons story is nothing compared to the work it takes to come up with your own story. Replacing the characters with other characters also takes little effort.

It’s cheating.

Yes, other people do it and you can find these stories online because nobody has bothered to report them and the site admins take a long time to take care of the works reported to them. People also cheat on tests and get away with it. People get away with putting graffiti on the sides of buildings. People getting away with things doesn’t make it right nor is it a defense for doing the wrong thing. In fact, it makes doing it even worse.

Why?

Why do people do it? It is typically for one or more of the following reasons.

  1. They don’t have confidence in their own writing.
  2. They want more reviews.
  3. They see other people doing it.

What if a person is inspired by something?

It is actually possible to write a story that is inspired by various tales without plagiarizing the actual storyline. You have to go and make it your own and you have to understand how to write this particular story. The idea isn’t to adapt the material. The idea is to create something new. An example is Cinderella. While each of the adaptions of the material shares minor traits each of the adaptions is its own unique version.

When a writer creates a Cinderella story it will have the following traits.

  1. The main characters mother dies.
  2. Her father remarries and she gets a stepmother.
  3. Her stepmother and stepsisters treat her like a slave.
  4. Her fairy godmother helps her get to the ball.
  5. The prince finds her shoe and thus finds her.

Let’s say though a writer were to create a story where Cinderella has the ability to talk to animals and she makes clothes for the mice. She has a beautiful singing voice and lives in the attic. She is told she can not go to the ball because she has no dress and her mother’s old dress is not good enough as it is out of style. The mice steal various items and make her an outfit. However, when she went down stairs she found her dress being ripped apart by her step sister. She stays there and cries while her step siblings take off. Her fairy god mother shows up and makes her a beautiful dress with glass slippers.

These traits are distinct to Disney’s Cinderella and are part of what makes it unique.

Why do you bring this up?

I talked to someone about this and I thought I had convinced them that they needed to make the story their own. They talked to someone else who linked them to stories that slap canon characters in the place of other canon characters and admitted that the subject is controversial. They then blocked me. To me this is sadly an admittance of guilt. Believe me, I’ve seen the site admins remove these stories in the past when I have reported them and the admins have been doing their job well when it has come to reports.

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Red and White (11/5/2013)

Let me just point this out to relief my itch…
“Then” and “Than” are 2 very different things…
Please specify and add more dhttps://yemihikari276.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post-new.phpetails as to whom you’re talking about, like a “certain girl” made me thought for a moment that another person came into the conversation…
There is also the part where you tend to make a lot of typographical errors
Perhaps a beta reader would be fitting…
Another advice is to actually put descriptions in the dialogue like the last chapter ‘Don’t listen to Rukia-nee and blah’, add something like “There was a crumpled paper atop the contents of the box with a message scribbled haphazardly, [enter content of the paper]”
I really hope you improve and to limit the OOC-ness…
The over-all story was interesting but the language was very confusing…

The first chapters for Red and White were written over five years ago. Anything from back then has quite a few grammar problems and even though I have improved grammar wise I still expect people to point out my grammar errors including the fact I use “then” and “than” and having a Beta reader would be nice. Finding a good one though is a problem as the two good ones I have had have come and gone from the site and the other one I had wasn’t a good Beta.

That said, if you’re going to lecture a person about typographical errors in a story you really should avoid typographical errors yourself when you review. A writer using “then” and “than” which are homophone errors honestly seems minor to the tense errors that you have. The word “relief” should be “relieve” and the word “thought” should be “think”.

I’m going to move along to the dialog you’re referring too.

“Maybe, I just have a really good memory. Don’t listen to what Rukia says. This is ‘giri choco’, not ‘honmei choco’.” What did she mean by…” Toshiro suddenly saw the exact contents of the box that had been under Karin’s hastily scrawled letter, which was also rather crumpled.

I’ll admit that it could have been better written and if I were to rewrite it today I would rewrite it something like this.

“Maybe I just have a really good memory. Don’t listen to what Rukia says. This is giri choco, not honmei choco.” What did she mean by…” Toshiro then saw the exact contents of the box that had been under Karin’s hastily scrawled  and crumpled letter.

Your solution though would have been to write it like this.

“Maybe I just have a really good memory.” There was a crumpled paper atop the contents of the box with a message scribbled haphazardly [that read] “Don’t listen to what Rukia says. This is ‘giri choco’, not ‘honmei choco’. Toshiro shook his head. “What did she mean by…” Toshiro then saw the exact contents of the box that had been under the letter that Karin had written him.

The problem with your solution comes down to the fact the message Karin wrote him was read out loud and your solution pretty much makes it so said message was no longer read out loud. While I could have said he read the message out loud having actual dialog where he reads said message out loud isn’t incorrect and which way a writer goes (whether to have the message read out loud in the dialog or say that it was read out loud) depends on what they’re trying to convey to the reader. I choose on purpose to have Toshiro say it out loud inside of the dialog rather then mentioning it.

Next… you say that “[you] really hope [I] improve and to limit the OOC-ness…” only to not provide any explanation as to where I was making the characters OoC within the story. I don’t know if I’ve improved grammar wise by your standards as you’ve not read anything that I’ve written in the five years since and not offered to tell me if I have or not.

As for the OoC issue… accusations of OoCness should be given with an explanation as to why a person thinks said characters are OoC so the person can either use it to their advantage or counter it.

P.S. Thank you for pointing out the “then” and “than” issue and the fact I do have a bit of odd language when I write which is particularly true in some of my older works.

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Lost Child (11/4/2013)

There are two reviews to reply to this time.

My poor baby Shiro. Left alone, beaten up… but I love the drama! Can’t wait to see what is going on with his mom. And where’s Isshin?
Gin is leaving his own kid AGAIN? Oh that snake 😛

Isshin is taking care of funeral preperations for his fukutaicho as they believe Rangiku to be dead. He’ll come in later. And yes… Gin is a snake leaving his own kid again. He doesn’t have much choice in the matter though.

Yare, yare. Another great storyvof the greatest Yemi Hikari – exacly what I needed this autumn. Looks like it’s another one of those where my beloved and ultimate character – Toushiro is a son of my beloved Matsumoto and liked, but not so much, Gin.
First of all, I’d like to thank you for bringing all if us all these great stories. You’re an awesome writer and I live your style, although I’d like to read more stories where Gin isn’t such a huge part of Toushiro’s life. I love him, but IMO the kid could have a better and stronger bond with his mother sometimes. Matsumoto is more protective of him, Gin was always protective of her and no one else.
Anyway, back to the point. Matsumoto is in trouble, Toushiro is alone and sick – poor kid. Hope Gin or Isshin or both of them will find Matsumoto soon and the kid will end up with his mother (or parents, or mother and father-figure like Isshin or Ukitake, but Isshin would be better,I guess) and she (or they) will start to make him feel safe and loved. He also needs to train to keep his reiatsu inside him.
Momo is great here, but I’d actually liked to see her betraying her little brother. Not in “give him to Aizen” way of course, just yell at him and blame him for killing granny. Only later, after some long time and lots of thinking, she could realize that she was wrong, but he would already be under mother’s protection and it wouldn’t be easy to talk to him.
Gin – as much as I like him, I always sa the poisonous snake in him and it looks like he left his kid AGAIN. I like it, though. It will probably bring more drama and trauma to Toushiro. How old is he here in human years? 7 tops, ne? It won’t be easy to earn his trust. Not for a male, he always lived with a woman. Men only caused him pain – both physical and emotional.
What happened to granny’s body? Is she going to be buried? Toushiro probably won’t see it, huh?
http://en.wordpress.com/post/59814805/new/
So, I see you’re updating this one pretty often. Hope you’ll stay this way and we’ll be able to read the hole story until the Christmas or not long after the New Year.

Hugs and keep doing such a great job!

I’d like to write some stories where Gin takes a smaller role in Toshiro’s life compared to what I’ve done. This one may be one of them bu it won’t be Rangiku who takes care of him either in this one.

One of the reasons Momo didn’t betray Toshiro is because the news that he was missing came before the accusation of murder. She tends to be one minded about things.

And yeah, that will bring more drama for him. He would be somewhere between five to eight years. How old he is has not been confirmed in canon so for this one we’ll say he is six and a half years old. I’m glad that you reminded me that Toshiro will not do well around males as well.

Tradition in Japan is cremation, not burial. It takes up less space. And no, Toshiro won’t be able to see it.

I should have at least 50,000 words by Christmas time.

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Lost Child (11/3/2013)

I always got the impression that Hitsugaya never wanted to be a shiningami. It took an authority figure, during a vunerable time where he found he was freezing his grandma to death, to convince him. However w/out Rangiku, he stll would have had the dream about hyourinmaru, woke up and found his living room a freezer and easily deduce he was the problem. He’s a genius and isnt naive, plus graduated the six year acadamy in one year. How hard would it be to self-teach himself to supress his reitsu .Stil like your story and ideas just make toshiro more mature than momo would the same situation

 

How hard would it be for Toshiro to self-teach himself to suppress his reiatsu? Fact is we don’t know how well Toshiro is able to repress his reiatsu and there is a high chance he was and may still be learning to pressures his reiatsu. It’s not a matter of being smart, it is a matter of being in control. Actually, in the DDR movie it shows that Toshiro is able to control his reiatsu to the extent he can hide it, but once he felt he no longer had to hide it he ended up blacking out and the area around him began to snow. This would happen to be fourty to fifty years after Rangiku helped him out.