Not Mine Valentine (Bleach)

I decided to pull anonymous reviews by going into the Remove Review feature, but there are no dates for this feature, just numbers.

Anon  (20) – I’m loving this fanfic! I love the idea of Gin being Toshiros Father.

Thanks. I actually like this idea as well, even though we’ll likely now never know if Kubo ever did intend to reveal this.

Katie (22) – I’ll start off with saying that I’m a huge fan and I think your writing is amazing! So much so, that I even find myself rereading them when I have time and that’s something I usually don’t do. I really like this story and the plot is very interesting. I also think that you capture the character’s personalities very well through both their reactions to situations, and their dialogue. I, personally, don’t like hinamori

Thanks. I like the fact someone likes my stories enough to re-read them. I actually wouldn’t describe my writing as amazing though, knowing full well where I’ve come from, and where I hope to go. However, someone reminded me recently in regards to my offline craft pursuits that what may not seem amazing to me, particularly due to how hard I can be on myself, that to others it is amazing, so I kind of have found myself trying to look at my older works through that kind of eye on top of nitpicking everything I know I did wrong.

I actually like Hinamori though, despite all of her major flaws. I wouldn’t say she’s a likable character, as she’s not really someone I think I’d want to be friends with, due to the fact she has a habit of being oblivious to those around her, but as a character type, I find her to be quite real, as I have met people like her. She adds a dynamic to the work, but also who Toshiro is.

Katie (22) – I’m so sorry! I think credit should be given where credit is due, and it is canon that hinamori is a kido master. I really wouldn’t be surprised if Shinji does get rid of her in the manga though. Thank you for update and I’m sorry for putting two reviews. Please forgive me!

Actually, she’s a master at her kido, not a kido master. There is a major difference. I’m not surprised that Shinji kept her around though, as he likes playing with her mind. She did, as I thought, never prove she had what it took to be a fukutaicho though.

Gemma Hitsugaya (15) – What is with toshiro? I don’t think I like him this way

Yeah. I get the fact some fans don’t like child genius Toshiro acting like a kid, but others do.

One question. They were both shown as children when they first met, and she didn’t suffer any memory loss since that point. So when would they have a child?

Were they children when they met? I was under the impression they were both preteens, which means they were able to have children. As for her not ever suffering memory loss, no, that’s never been shown in the series, but then Kubo had to cut the series short, so a lot of things are unknown.


Broken Wish (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

You are extremely rude. You take fanfic to seriously you forget the fact that most writers on this site are tweens and are not going to write to the impossible standard you set. You think your reviews are helpful and that you are bestowing your great writing knowledge onto us but you are not you are annoying and hurtful. You also forget that fan fic writers do this for themselfs not for your stuck up self and do it for free. If you are such a great writer who knows so much more than we do then why are you on fanfic and not published? It’s sad and sick that you get a kick out of giving negative and overly harsh reviews on fanfic to people most of which are tweens. Please stop or at least stay out of the Voltron fandom where I reminded you most of the writers are tweens and your are doing more harm than good and all of us just really do not like you.

I actually have an idea of who may have sent this particular anonymous review to me, but also why this may have been sent anonymously, though I may be wrong. In July I reviewed a story which featured a ten-year-old purple paladin with her own purple lion. To be exact, the character was ten and a half, which gave away the fact the writer was in fact ten and a half, but more on that in a bit.

In my review I told the writer that a sixth lion was an impossibility, but also that their character stole the spotlight from another canon character, of whom one of the defining traits is being the youngest paladin. For those who don’t know the Voltron fandom, Voltron is a robot comprised of five unites with no room for any more units, and as such almost every character which comes with their own lion is a Mary Sue or Gary Stu. Even prototype lions mean your character is a Mary Sue or Gary Stu if they can out perform the final product. I then told the writer that there were better ways to add in an OC than what they were doing.

I of course got a negative response from the writer who told me to stop being rude – but in reality told me that negative reviews had no place on their story despite the fact there is a rule on the pit about accepting critique even if it’s not something you want to hear. They then proceeded to make up their own definition of fanfiction – “not real” – despite the fact fiction means “didn’t really happen”. My response was to tell them not to throw tantrums, not to make up their own definitions, but also to pay attention to canon due to the fact they claimed their story as “non AU” even though it wasn’t, which meant they either didn’t know what an AU was, or wasn’t paying attention to what was or wasn’t canon.

They then responded with an author’s note instead of by replying to the PM. They thought not naming me actually made them look like the better person, and yet this resulted in a poor reviewer on their other story thinking they were the one sending demanding messages as they’d made a few requests of things they’d like to see in the said story. They also left out the fact the demanding messages constituted a legit critique, and a PM not putting up with the tantrum they threw in response to said critique in an attempt to gain sympathy, but also tried holding their story hostage for reviews, another sympathy ploy.

Normally I ignore tantrums which show up in author’s notes. However, this one was posted as an individual chapter, which is against site rules on the pit. I’d also reviewed quite a few stories, and came to have a great deal of respect for the other writers and reviewers in the Voltron: Legendary Defender fandom, and did not like the level of disrespect this writer showed them. I let the writer know their author’s notes were against site rules, to actually earn their reviews like everybody else on the site, but also made it quite clear that the writer didn’t like critique, thus giving a heads up to the other reviewers I’d seen critiquing in the fandom that they might get a negative response in return. I’d also called the writer out for probably being ten and a half, something I’d meant to do in my original review. People after all, don’t normally refer to a ten-year-old as ten and a half unless they are that age.

They then threatened to out me – which I told them was pointless because I purposefully outed myself. They also tried telling me they weren’t ten, because “I never put my real age in stories because of internet safety. I’m suprised you don’t know about this. You should have learned about it in almost every grade,” only to thus reveal the fact they were indeed ten and a half. Age, like gender, is not personal information which can allow someone to identify you off line. Exact birthday, yes, but not your actual age. I know quite a few people who are upfront about their age on the site. I also blocked them as I did not wish to deal with a ten-year-old throwing tantrums.

Their account went silent after that. I suspect their next move was to turn to their parents, which in turn outed them to the parents as having signed up for an account on a site they’re not old enough for, but also that they weren’t following other rules on the site. I also suspect they got their internet privileges revoked until yesterday, when the anonymous review was sent, but they didn’t get their account back, either because they forgot the password, or their parents purposefully changed the password on them, even possibly changing their account to the parents e-mail. And yes, it would be within the parents rights to do so. I’d also blocked them. This made them mad, so the only way to lash out was through an anonymous review.

You are extremely rude.

Critique is not rude, or mean, and as long as someone thinks this way, they are not mature enough to have an account, even if they are old enough. Calling someone out for throwing a tantrum is also not rude either. However, what is rude is…

  1. Throwing a tantrum.
  2. Claiming the person calling you out for throwing a tantrum, or such, is in fact throwing a tantrum.
  3. Expecting an exception to the rules be made for you.
  4. Expecting an exception in regards to critique be made for you.
  5. Making up definitions for fandom terms which are already defined, and don’t match up with the already defined terms just to try and argue your point.
  6. Labeling your story as “non-AU” when it is AU.
  7. Lying to ones readers about getting rude messages when you didn’t.
  8. Holding ones story hostage for reviews.
  9. Posting an author’s note as an individual chapter, thus bumping another writer’s story off the front page.
  10. Going behind your parents back and signing up for a site you’re not old enough to be on.

You take fanfic to seriously you forget the fact that most writers on this site are tweens and are not going to write to the impossible standard you set.

I’ll start off with the fact there should be no tweens on the site what-so-ever, as a tween is between the ages of ten and twelve, and one needs to be at least thirteen to have an account on the site. The next thing to point out is, yes, the writing standard I hold other writers and myself to is an impossibly standard for most tweens, however, said tweens aren’t even supposed to be using the site in the first place. The standard though is not impossible for someone who is old enough to have an account, even though said standard may take time to achieve depending on the writer.

Second, if you’re not willing to take fanfic writing seriously, why should I or anyone else take you seriously. The writer in question complained about me wasting their time in their first PM, but isn’t that what a writer who doesn’t take things seriously doing – wasting the time of everyone else in fandom? Those who aren’t willing to take things seriously, they think fanfic writing is a game, and they’re only here for positive reviews to stroke their ego, hoping to get said reviews without actually earning them. I say, that’s the attitude which isn’t right, as reviews are something you earn.

You also forget that fan fic writers do this for themselfs not for your stuck up self and do it for free.

This is a lie. First off, if your posting something online, you’re not doing it for yourself anymore. You post something online for others to see and enjoy, unless of course you’re only in it for the reviews. Which brings me to point two, it’s a lie that any writer of fanfic who posts their stories online does it for free. While it is true that they’re not getting any monetary value from the posting of their story, they are being payed in reviews, follows and social contact with other people in fandom. Add to this, I suspect a lot of the people claiming they do it for free actually would try to earn money off what they write if they could under copyright law, but only don’t do so because this would get them into legal trouble.

In the long run, the person being stuck up is the person who thinks they shouldn’t earn the reviews, follows and other forms of social contact that other writers are working towards. It ties back to the for most writers, this isn’t a game, but a for a few it is, and they get mad when someone comes along ruining this game. Writing is a craft, whether it be a hobby or not, and as such a person should treat it as such.

You think your reviews are helpful and that you are bestowing your great writing knowledge onto us but you are not you are annoying and hurtful.

The funny thing about this comment is, when I entered the Voltron: Legendary Defender fandom, I found out exactly how helpful me reviewers were to the majority of fanfic writers, which would be those who take things seriously. Said reviews were appreciated by both newbies and old timers alike, as they found the reviews helful, but a few also voiced the fact they ached for critique. Those who found the reviews annoying were those who either didn’t take things seriously, or those who were in serious denial in regards to the issues in their stories, and would rather run from the truth.

As for critique being hurtful, I really wish people would stop. I found a quote from Gerhold K. Becker’s book Ethics in Business and Society: Chinese and Western Perspectives.

Not quite. Hurt feelings or even the feeling of revulsion are certainly harms we can well do without, but there is another sense of the word “harm”in which it is intelligible to say: “Despite being hurt, you are not really harmed.” For example, some medical procedures, such as injections, hurt but are not harmful – quite the reverse.

In other words, yes, critique hurts. However, one can not become a better writer without getting critiqued at some point. In other words, while critique hurts, it is not hurtful, which means causing “injury, detriment, or suffering”. Yes, ones ego may end up a bit bruised by critique – I should know – but it’s not something which causes the “injury, detriment, or suffering” that bullying does. It pales in comparison, and is something which has positive effects if only one takes the time to put aside the hurt feelings.

If you are such a great writer who knows so much more than we do then why are you on fanfic and not published?

How do you know I’m not published? Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. I don’t let people know if I am or I’m not because I consider that to be a conflict of interest. Add to this, the fact a writer is published doesn’t mean the shouldn’t write fanfic either. You just don’t normally hear about it because it is considered a conflict of interest, as each should stand on it’s own merits.

As for why I write fanfic – this tells me the person leaving said review honestly doesn’t get fanfic at all.

I write fanfiction because there are stories stuck in my head that only work with already existing canon characters, but also because I want to share these stories with other people. Funny how this attitude differs from the idea that fanfic is only for oneself. I feel it is my duty to give my readers the best story I can, and that this is something I owe my readers. That’s why I decided to call the particular writer I mentioned out, they felt they owed their readers nothing, not a single ounce of respect.

It’s sad and sick that you get a kick out of giving negative and overly harsh reviews on fanfic to people most of which are tweens.

I find it sad that this person thinks there’s something wrong with negative reviews, when the site rules clearly state not all reviews will praise the work. I’ll admit that I’m blunt in my reviews, but I found a long time ago that sugar coating things always ended up with the exact opposite effect on those who wanted the reviews, and those who threw tantrums would do so no matter what I did.

I also find it sad that this person doesn’t get the fact tweens are NOT allowed to HAVE an account!

I also don’t get a kick out of leaving negative reviews. How I feel about the reviews I leave is actually complicated. I do worry about the younger writers I review, so when I suspect the writer might be a younger writer for some reason, I do try to adjust my review accordingly, but this can also be hard. Some might say, “just avoid reviewing”, but then I feel like I would be lying people. Negative reactions to said reviews do also bother me, but not because people get mad at me, but because nobody enjoys seeing a teen or adult throw a tantrum like a toddler in an attempt to get their way.

Please stop or at least stay out of the Voltron fandom where I reminded you most of the writers are tweens and your are doing more harm than good and all of us just really do not like you.

Talk about an majorly self entitled tween here, though I’d actually use the word preteen. As already stated, those under thirteen aren’t supposed to have an account. Thus the vast majority of writers are going to be teenagers. There are a few other amusing things about this though.

First, I’ve been in fandoms aimed at tweens, and Voltron: Legendary Defender isn’t one of them. While a few tweens sneak in, most of the writers are in their early teens, thirteen or fourteen year old’s, maybe some fifteen year old’s, older teens and adults. This fact doesn’t mean the older writers should get lost, but the demographics for the fandom are far from being a fandom which favors teens, because…

… second, Voltron isn’t a new fandom. The fandom is actually over thirty-years-old. I’m sure a lot of the writers are around forty to fifty years old, and remember the time of fanzines, unlike this young whippersnapper. This person talks about being rude at the beginning, but the fact they just told every single adult who grew up loving Voltron to get out is most certainly rude.


Aliens Among Us

I received a couple of reviews from anonymous reviewers on this story – well, three, one of which asks for a sequel that I am working on as my Just Write It for Wattpad this month. Here is the first review.

Did your best – July 27 – Not a bad fic overall, but it fell a bit flat. While the basics of the characters’ personalities were there, they were fairly bland, like there’s no real desire to flesh them out in a unique way. A good effort, but not terribly memorable.

And part of the second review…

Guest – Aug 8 – The character also had me a little confused, which might have just been because of the dialogue, since it felt a bit stiff. […] I think you’re able to do more with it.

I agree with both reviews. Now, I really didn’t intend to flesh out the characters in a unique way for this piece. I didn’t want to shove in my theory of Keith and Shiro being brothers, or some other theories I have going on. I focused mostly on making a particular point – how unbelievable the Keith is Galra stories had been up until then. I’ve since come across a few writers who actually fleshed out the idea. Despite the fact character development wasn’t a goal, I still could have worked on it. I’ll also try to work on my dialogue in my other stories.

P.S. This said, the reason for Keith being Galra doesn’t actually work. What he touched was not a hand scanner but a button, and the object the Galra hand was used on was actually a hand scanner. I still like the theory that Keith is part alien simply because it’s fun, but I decided to put my own twist to it.


Fake Bankai

I got an anonymous review from someone named lee7anna today on my Bleach fanfic Fake Bankai.

I get your authors note I can understand your frustration at exaggerated rapid learnt bankai’s. However, I believe(and I’m sure you are aware of this as well) you have exaggerated Momo’s child-likeness to a point in which she is OOC.

I’ve a policy of deleting reviews which accuse me of writing Momo as OoC when they are sent in anonymously due to the fact I’ve found those making said accusations are made by people blinded by their idolization of her character to the point they think she can do no wrong, or they completely flip out when she’s not portrayed in a favorable light. Almost all of them have been anonymous as well.

Contrary to popular belief, Momo is actually very child-like in her mannerisms. That’s the only reason Shinji keeps her around, is because he can send her on frivolous tasks just for the fun of it, which in turn to him makes the act not frivolous as he takes enjoyment out of her gullibility. This was revealed just this last week in the second to last chapter of Bleach.

Add to this, there is not a single time in the Bleach canon she’s ever successfully done something. She’s always messing up. Yes, this includes the time she thought she rescued Matsumoto during the Karakura Town arc, as she actually messed up Matsumoto’s plan of getting one of the Arrancar by themselves, which in turn messed everyone else up. She constantly messed up during the final arc, and she’s got a very nasty temper, as show in the final arc.

I’m left wondering if this person’s actually reading the Manga, or if they’ve only seen the Anime, because Momo being child-like is quite evident in the final arc. So no, having her act in a child-like manner was in no way making her OoC  That’s the way she is, but certain fans of this character don’t like it when she’s shown in a negative light.

I would like you to give an example in which manga or anime Momo has expressed anything akin to jealousy over Hitsugaya.

Just because a character says Momo is jealous of Toshiro doesn’t mean she actually is jealous. Matsumoto told Toshiro that Momo was jealous because his fukutaicho was fed up with how Momo treated Toshiro, not necessarily because she had real reason to believe Momo was jealous. Unfortunately for Toshiro, he couldn’t think up a good argument as to why Momo wasn’t jealous as he doesn’t know for sure if Matsumoto is right or not, so he proceeded to deflect the criticism Momo received by finding a logical reason why Momo was acting the way she was besides jealousy.

That said, where does the disrespect Momo show Toshiro in the series come from? She has yet to refer to him as his proper title in the non-filler material, something she promised to do once he got into the academy. The only logical explanation is she’s in denial that her baby brother is growing up and doesn’t need her anymore, or she is jealous. It may even be a combination of both things. Either way, her being jealous of Toshiro is a logical character interpretation for her behavior as there is yet to be anything that contradicts this interpretation within the canon.

No, said interpretation isn’t based on the canon material. Instead, said interpretation is based on basic psychology to fill in the gaps within canon, so it is still a legit interpretation until something in canon says otherwise.

No one likes an over-the-top powerful character, but in this case Momo YOU made Momo an antagonist Mary sue, and that pretty much defeats the purpose of this fic.

No, I didn’t turn Momo into a Mary Sue. I also think the writer missed the actual purpose of the fic, as they did say earlier…

… I can understand your frustration at exaggerated rapid learnt bankai’s…

That’s not what the fic was about at all. To be specific, my author’s note clearly says “the idea for this fanfic came from the fact that I’ve seen a lot of fanfics that simply give Hinamori Momo Bankai and the Captaincy position, with no character development so that she has the kind of personality for either.

The fic is specifically commenting on Momo’s character, and the fact she is, with the child-like personality she has, never going to learn Bankai or become a Captain. This story was written before the advent of the final arc though, so while I was convinced Momo might actually eventually grow up, I’m not anymore. I’d also worked more with her character as well, and found getting Momo over her child-like issues isn’t an easy task either.

As for her being a Mary Sue…

Yes, Momo does have an amazing power, and there were no repercussions within the fanfic itself for her having this Fake Bankai. It is though heavily implied that there would be repercussions for her should she continue to use this special power of hers. It is after all a power she got through the twelfth division. When has the things Mayuri done never had serious repercussions of some kind?

I choose to imply this rather than show for the following reason. I did not write the piece to harm or maim Momo, but wanted to focus on the ludicrousness of her ever getting Bakai. Implying that their would be repercussions should she use the ability also left what could happen to her open to the imagination of the reader. I also thought the implication was also quite evident with what everybody knows about Mayuri, but apparently for this reader it was not.



Bleach: Trial

The story was really good until you got to the part where Rangiku told Toshiro she first met Gin when he gave her that dried persimmon. The whole point of this fic is that Rangiku and Gin are Toshiro’s parents, but that small part clicked against everything. I understand that you wanted to stick with canon, but thinking the fact they were just children when they first met and had life before that and Rangiku had child? Umm, no. Even though souls can be extremely old, because the aging system, Rangiku having a child when she, herself was a child doesn’t seem plausible.

Yes, it is plausible. The fact Gin refers to himself and Rangiku as children in the story does not mean they were not old enough to have a child of their own. There is such a thing as teenage pregnancy, where anyone whose under the age of eighteen has a child. Gin and Rangiku at the time of the persimmons where very young, but physically they were preteens or young teens much in the same manner Toshiro is now. They simply need to have hit puberty.

During the scene where Gin is shown giving Rangiku persimmons you see only the upper half of her, but the viewer is able to see she’s developed in the chest area. That’s a sign that at this point in time she’s hit puberty. The question comes up whether or not Gin actually hit puberty or not. That is the deciding factor on whether this is possible or not. Physically Gin is the same age Toshiro is now, and since Toshiro is either just about to hit puberty, or has just hit puberty, the same can be held for Toshiro.

Yes, it is possible for Toshiro to have a child. The real reason I think this upset the reader is because this touches upon the subject of teenage pregnancy. Fact, Rangiku and Gin did not have any positive influences in their lives like Toshiro does, so they had no one to explain how to properly pursue a relationship with each other, or where boundaries lie. Another fact, this is a hundred years before our time where people did marry as young as Rangiku and Gin are.

I could possibly say this is the fault of me not adding author’s notes, but I also assumed people were aware Rangiku and Gin were at least preteens at that point in time, and not six year old kids. I mean, Rangiku would not have already been developed in the chest if she were only six.

And even if we would pretend she HAD a child when she was a child, there should have been some marks she had given birth. It should have become obvious at least then when she joined Gotei 13 and more than likely had regular checkups at 4th Division. I don’t believe Unohana or any other doctor had let it slip and there why Rangiku should have known she was mother or at least given birth even though she didn’t remember.

Why would Unohana break patient confidentiality? It is completely possible for a woman to know they’ve given birth if they’ve lost their memories. Why? All evidence that a woman has given birth are interior, not exterior. Rangiku might believe she’s had sexual relationships with someone, but not that she’s been a mother. Unohana’s approach would have been to ask, but not push, as that is proper when someone has amnesia. She would have noted it somewhere in Rangiku’s file though.

Yet you kept pushing the idea she was innocent and didn’t remember. Plus, how that even works? How could she forget her life before? You never gave explanation to that. You just twisted that plot point to suit your story, just like when you made Rangiku admit she always thought Toshiro as her son.

Have you ever heard of amnesia, or mothers instinct? The fact Rangiku forgot she had a child would not negate the mothers instinct to protect said child. Thinking that Toshiro is her son is also not the same as knowing, and can easily be brushed off as wishful thinking. She’s not admitting to Toshiro that she knew, but that she always had a feeling he was hers.

If anything, she was his friendly coworker which you would know if you could read her character a bit, because in canon we see her flirt with Toshiro and tease. Yes, we can say there isn’t anything romantic between them if you aren’t HitsuMatsu shipper, but parent-child-love? Umm, no.

I’m suddenly thinking the writer is a Rangiku/Toshiro shipper whose displeased with the fact I turned their pairing into incest. If they’ve payed any attention to canon they would have noticed the scene where she is fukutaicho, and he third seat. I wouldn’t call pulling on his cheeks the act of a friendly coworker.

I’m also going to disagree with the idea that she’s constantly flirting with Toshiro. Teasing him, yes, but not flirting. The teasing involves her watching him squirm, and act uncomfortable when she hugs him, as he’s actually you know – acting his age. I also find it funny that this person would lambaste me for having Gin and Rangiku have a child at the same age Toshiro is, and yet they’re advocating for a pairing between Rangiku and Toshiro.

Flirting for Matsumoto is getting guys drunk on the floor to the tenth division office stripped down to their underwear, and yet we never see her do this to Toshiro. One could argue she’s going easy on him because he’s a minor, but doesn’t this go back to an earlier point? Add to this, even the filler doesn’t really cross the line from teasing a young child to get him to act his age into flirtations of the romantic short.

This isn’t about me not seeing the romance between the two because I’m not a HitsuMatsu shipper either. It’s not there, period, and is based purely on personal interpretation. I will admit here that my theory that Gin and Rangiku as Toshiro’s parents is based on personal interpretation, but I’ve got a whole lot more then Matsumoto’s hugs and squeeing at how cute her child taicho is to go by.

I’m also a tad bothered that Matsumoto thinking her child taicho is cute is construed as only possible if she had romantic feelings for him. I hate it when anybody concludes that a certain reaction is only possible via romantic feelings, when in real life this isn’t true. If the logic means everybody would be bonking each other, then it’s actually not proof of romantic feelings. Feel free to interpret it that way, but don’t go forcing your interpretations on other people.

Also, did you just make Ukitake call Rangiku as ‘Ran-chan’? Ukitake has only called Toshiro such a friendly name (Shiro-chan).

Why can’t Ukitake have pet names for other characters? The fact we only see Toshiro called by a nickname doesn’t mean there aren’t others. This also said, I do believe that there is a point in time in the series when he called Byakuya by a nickname. He’s also talking to Gin there, trying to make Gin feel more comfortable about spilling the beans.

You also made Byakuya gossiping person which he isn’t. He hadn’t any reason to tell Renji Toshiro just lost it at captains’ meeting, because that isn’t ‘noble’ or sort of, so Byakuya was a bit OOC in there.

As told by Renji to another person, thus his re-accounting of what his taicho said isn’t accurate. What Byakuya was ranting about was Gin, and very briefly mentioned the fact this caused the young taicho to become quite upset. Ranting also isn’t the right word for what Byakuya was doing.

Not to mention Toshiro…I put past his actions the whole time, until that whole Rangiku-part. You made Toshiro more brat than he was, emphasizing he is child WHOLE THE TIME. Only once you made clearly he wasn’t by Gotei 13’s standards, but otherwise you kept making him a child. Toshiro is cool and composed person who wouldn’t keep pressing matter like you made in Gin’s case. Plus even though it would shock anyone, people who they thought they knew had been lying to them whole the time, Toshiro would have eventually approached the situation by logic and more composed manner instead just yelling and acting petty manner which you made him once Gin had made his revelation. That was OOC with Toshiro.


Yet another person who likes seeing Toshiro the way they want to see him, and not how he really is.

Mind you, this is coming from a Toshiro/Rangiku fan, and I’ve only come across a small handful who will actually admit that Toshiro is at this point in time a child, and thus address this in some manner in their stories. They’re pretty good writers to, and I’ve read their stories.

Still, Toshiro’s a child. It makes me really sick and tired when people try to treat child geniuses as mini adults who will constantly act like adults. Toshiro has been shown to lose it within canon, even up into the 1000 Year arc. So no, that’s not accurate. Nor is the idea that Toshiro wouldn’t push the matter. That’s actually what an adult whose acting cool and composed would do in said situation. That is in other words the logical thing to do.

And of course he’s going to get really upset at what Gin just said. I wouldn’t call it petty though, or say he was acting like a brat. It’s rather disappointing that the reader ascribed such words to Toshiro, as that implies he was being selfish at that point in time. I wouldn’t call anyone, whether they were an adult or child a brat, or acting in a petty manner if they found out what he did, and reacted the way he did. That’s just cruel, and rude.

Toshiro has every right to act the way he did in the story I wrote, so please don’t act like he didn’t. Not the best behavior, but he still has the right to let off some steam somehow, as that is healthy.

Not to mention you ended this one-shot kind of into a wall…we never got closure about Gin’s trial even though the name was ‘trial’. I understand you wanted to make this one-shot’s point about that, Gin and Rangiku were Toshiro’s parents and he learned about that, but it would have been nice if there had been proper closure what happened to Gin.

Nice, but not necessary. I actually left this open to interpretation for my readers. One of the things this does is hopefully encourage them to write their own stories.

In the long run I’ve decided to delete this anonymous review. It felt to much like the writer was trying to hide behind anonymous status so I couldn’t retort. There is also a ship-slant here, and I try to keep my reviews free of such material because the real reason behind the review is typically to trash the fact someone isn’t using their OTP, and if someone is going to do that, they should have at least the common decency to sign in.

I’d let it through at first because I hadn’t noticed the OTP rant.


Pokemon: Bulbatoe

Today I got an anonymous review which equates to ‘how not to get your favorite writer to update what you want them to update‘. Bulbatoe is a Pokemon one-shot I wrote recently for someone’s Yuletide wish this year, and yet here is one of the reviews I got.

Kaito1412:Can you please finish some of your other stories before you start another.I am a real big fan of your hitsukarin stories.I have been waiting a long time for you to update   red and white,cage package,diamond treasure,understanding ll ,negirau   that I don’t like your other stories you are one of my favorite   let me know in an update of your next story if you are going to do it or not.I wil still read your   it just gets me so mad when you really get into a story and the other doesn’t want to continue or if they forgot about it.

There are actually quite a few issues with this particular review. The first thing which jumped out at me was the last part which reads…

it just gets me so mad when you really get into a story and the other doesn’t want to continue or if they forgot about it

You the reader do not know what is going on in said writer’s life, so you do not know why they are not continuing said story at that point in time. The reason I’ve not updated a lot of my stories recently has nothing to do with the fact I don’t want to continue these stories, or that I forgotten them, but that recently I’ve had to deal with some major things going on offline that has a negative effect on my writing schedule.

I’ve also got to deal with the fact my mind bounces all over the place with tons of ideas. For those of you who think having some disorder which allows the writer to super focus on a task is great – this is actually one of the major downsides to having such a disorder. It has ways of backfiring.

Second thing I noticed was this review wasn’t even left on a story for the Bleach fandom! It was also left on a one-shot I wrote for a specific challenge/contest/event, which in turn is a way to help me refocus on my bigger projects, or at least most of the time. It’s part of how my writing process works. Most of all though, the real reason they posted on said story is because Bulbatoe is the latest story I posted, and this was for the holidays.

But there is a third issue I noticed.

I am a real big fan of your hitsukarin stories.I have been waiting a long time for you to update   red and white,cage package,diamond treasure,understanding ll ,negirau   that I don’t like your other stories

Thank you for making it clear the only reason you like my stories is because of the pairing and were able to get your latest fix for said pairing, and not because you actually like the stories I wrote.

At least that’s the way that particular comment reads.

First, I’ve actually posted quite a few stories for this pairing which are clearly marked for this pairing. Many are one-shots and short stories for the most part, and are the type of thing which are meant to help tie over readers when a writer’s not actually able to update their other stories of the same type.

Second, there is one story though I published recently which was my NaNoWriMo project for this year, which tends to be one of the major offline things which gets in the way of me updating, but is also very important to me. Cancer is a piece I’m working on which is clearly marked as containing this pairing. One of the major differences between the five they listed and Cancer is you know you’re going to get a happy ending when you read the summaries of the other stories, but for Cancer you know there is a chance there may not be a happy ending for the couple. Said reader though isn’t willing to give the story a chance to find out though.

Third, if they actually bothered to read the stories I’ve written which aren’t marked for the pairing they would know a lot of my stories feature the pairing due to the fact I like the dynamics said pairing adds to the stories I write. I’m actually a genfic writer, not a shipfic writer. That means ships will take a back seat to writing out the plot for a given story, and if the plot doesn’t allow said pairing to occur, it doesn’t happen.

This doesn’t though mean said pairings don’t occur in these stories, and one of the things which really bothers us genfic writers is that when a person knows that we favor a particular pairing they don’t try bothering to read the stuff where the pairing they’re looking for isn’t marked. Yes, in some cases the major events for said pairing isn’t going to happen until the third in a series, but a well written pairing isn’t rushed, and a writer takes their time getting to the good parts. And in some cases, like with Christmas Nightmare, we have a story where the pairing is there in the first story, but the reader’s got to be patient enough to allow the pairing to show through. Other readers would also love to see these stories updates to, and yet this one reader wants favoritism.

Truth be told it’s like watching Bleach, and waiting for the episodes for Toshiro and Karin to show up, rather then fast forwarding to the episodes in question.

Can you please finish some of your other stories before you start another.

This is how the review started, and this is honestly how the writer of said review should have left things. I can honestly agree that it would be nice for me to finish some of the stories I already got going before I start another. That though brings into question how many, which ones, which readers do I favor over others – and also brings up the issue of how my mind unfortunately works when I write. It comes down to this.

I’d love to promise not to start anymore stories before finishing some of my older ones, but that’s just not possible. I’ve tried, and the end results was my mind going off at such a speed I can’t focus on the stories I need to finish. Thus the one-shots, and short stories are supposed to help, as well as my NaNoWriMo and other writing exercises. These provide a limiter on the stories I can start at a given time.

And before you say, “but it can’t be that hard“, I once made a list of all the story ideas I had once, and I had over two-hundred in my list, and this was back when I still had around a hundred stories published already.

In this particular case the reader crossed the line.

  1. Don’t ever act like the writer whose not updating like you want is wronging you. You the reader don’t know what’s going on. Take for example one of my favorite stories, Shinigami Kids Society by Lucanite. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll ever see an update from her, ever. In this particular case I know the writer has health issues, because she posted about it sometime between when I first discovered this lovely series, and when she made the latest update to her profile on January 13, 2011. She was so sick, she couldn’t update like she wanted. One of the stories I created since I last updated these stories, the exception being possibly one update for Red and White, is the Finding Friendship story, which is a series inspired by her work, and dedicated to her specifically. This series is actually going to feature the pairing in question, but the really good stuff’s not going to start until part three because that’s how the story worked out, and I really want this one to be good because she’s the one who inspired me to write Finding Friendship. This had been bumping around in my head for four years at least, before I got it to a point I was ready to start.
  2. Don’t review a story that has nothing to do with what you’re talking about. By this I mean a story which isn’t one of the ones in question. Posting it to a one-shot says you don’t respect the writer’s need to take a break to write a one-shot piece. (I mean, come on, it’s a one-shot, which is supposed to be a stand alone piece, and not continued.) Posting it to a story from another fandom says you don’t respect the writer’s right to write for other fandoms. Posting it in general to other stories, well, it just doesn’t respect the writer’s right to write things for that fandom outside of what you personally want. And posting it on a story they just updated? How about using a PM instead? If you don’t have an account, well, my anonymous reviews are screened. I’ve got to read all of them unless I get really sick, and rarely if ever miss them, so you don’t have to post to the story that’s just been updated. That’s just, well, rather childish.
  3. Leave your fixes out of it. Mind you, there are writers out there who do write for a particular fix because they know it will get them more reviews, reads, favorites, what ever. The serious writers though take pride in their craft, and care more about telling a good story, so if you let on that you like their stories because they feed your latest fix, you’ve actually slapped them in the face. Translation: “I care about my fix, not your actual story. Give me my fix NOW!”

In fact, I need add this note on fixes. If you’re reading for the fix, I’ve a hard time considering you a real fan of whatever your latest fix is.


I get reading everything for a particular fix. I do that for stories where Isshin is Toshiro’s former taicho, or Gin and Ran are his biological parents. I don’t though let that get in the way of discerning which of these stories are better written, or appreciating what the writer brings to the table. One writer I’ve mentored for example, forever122, wrote a ton of a adorable stories where Gin and Ran were Toshiro’s parents, but the fact they’re a young writer shows through. Last year though they wrote Wish, and this particular story jumps in quality compared to their other stories. That’s the kind of stuff writer’s want to hear about, which brings me tot he forth issue.

  1. Don’t act like the writer owes you something.
  2. Don’t post reviews to unrelated stories.
  3. Keep your fix out of it.
  4. Don’t bash the writer’s other works. Seriously, telling them you don’t like their other works, or that you won’t give them a try, how are you to tell the writer how they’ve improved? The signs of improvement are less likely to show through on an older story compared to a new or rewritten one.
  5. Keep in mind there are readers for the writers other stories. I’m one of the main writers for the stories where Isshin is Toshiro’s former taicho, or even Ran and Gin their biological parents. Most of them are mine.

Last, don’t tell me to “let you know in an update of your next story”. If this is really that important to you, then you create an account and PM me. Take also into consideration how long this reply was.

P.S. I took time out to write this reply from what I was doing. I was working on a project I wanted to finish, so I could then get back to updating older stories. Now I’ve got to get refocused on that.


Bleach: Shogatsu & Breaking One’s Heart

Naga9000 – 6/16/15

This was rather sweet; I loved the bond shown between Rangiku and Toshiro, it is rather strong which just goes to show how close the two are.
I enjoyed reading this…

Wow! I wrote this story a long time ago. Thanks for reviewing! 🙂

The CritiqueP – 4/713

The CritiqueP:Ok one thing-went to your profile and I have to say this,
“Hitsugaya and and Hinamori are not technically siblings” and I say this
because they may have grown up as siblings but that does not make them
siblings. Thats like if your parents died and you moved in with your aunt and
uncle-they are not your parents even though you may look at them as parental
figures. It doesn’t mean you can’t feel like they are I’m just saying you
shouldn’t get all butt hurt over someone saying that they are childhood
friends because that is COMPLETELY true and Canon. I mean you can twist in
your favor and try and argue that because they grew up under the same “Granny”
that makes them siblings but that’s not really true but since this is
Fanfiction you can do whatever you want.
My point is that you telling people that Hinamori and Hitsugaya are not
childhood friends is both right and wrong. Toshiro often refers to Hinamori as
a childhood friend while acquaintances of the two have identified him as
Momo’s younger brother-most likely because of what Momo has said about him.
Momo treated him AS a younger brother but technically even if they are close
at the heart that does not change blood- they are NOT siblings(not really). So
either answer can be regarded as true but the most accepted-and technically
right- answer is that Momo and Hitsugaya are childhood friends who regard each
other in a brother/…

This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit

The CritiqueP – 4/7/13

sorry meant to post that under “Breaking One’s Heart”


Ok first of all my computer has a virus so I cannot sign in as when ever I
try it says that there is an error and I’ve been forced to use a friends
I refuse to argue this point any longer with you as I’ve already told you that
you are both right and wrong but to be honest I really think you just enjoying
arguing and thinking you are right so i’m going to leave you to it. I never
said that there needed to be a blood relation to feel like siblings but unless
there is some legal document to make this claim valid its just you feeling
close to a very good friend/confidante. (which is completely OK but just
growing up with someone doesn’t magically change the fact that you have a
different DNA make-up-you can’t just walk around claiming someone as your
sibling and not expect some odd looks when you don’t have the same parents nor
are you adopted) So it is not wrong to say that they are not siblings-it
really depends on what you view siblings as being-the creator or whoever can
say they are siblings but unless you are someone who believes being “siblings
of the heart” counts then it doesn’t really matter.
But I will leave this as it is because this debate honestly isn’t worth the
effort (go ahead and delete this if you want) I do wish you luck in the future
of writing (rock on!) :} I enjoy reading new stuff!:}:} Keep up the good work!

These reviews were posted a long time ago. Long story short someone reviewed another one of my stories and I countered their review in a PM. In said PM they started telling me I made Momo out of character and was character bashing her because she wasn’t anywhere as mean as I made her and I had everyone not trusting her as well as questioned whether she deserved the rank of fukutaicho or if Aizen put her in the rank because she was easy to manipulate.

I told the reader there was no proof she was skilled with kido. Saying she is an expert user of kido isn’t the same thing as saying she is actually a kido master, and the quote from Tite Kubo saying “the lieutenant is an expert user of kido,” is followed up by “She can look awe-inspiring sometimes.” This means she’s skilled at making her kido look flashy, and she’s good at memorizing spells, but it doesn’t mean she’s got power behind her kido.

What Kira and Toshiro says also needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Both admire Hinamori so they may exagerate the truth. Toshiro’s words were that HInamori was a master at her kido, and not that she was a master of kido or a kido master. The order of wording does matter as the meaning does change.

Add to this she’s never seen using kido well, so if she is a kido expert it is majorly an informed trait. During the battle with Matsumoto she actually messed up big time. Yes, combining various kido spells is amazing, but all of these spells were low level and were used to make up for her lack of power and other skills. As for her healing kido – Shinji does praise it, but he also despairs it as not being as good as the fourths. His exact words are, “Momo is a skilled girl, but still not as good as the 4th division.”

Momo’s also constantly messing up. She didn’t actually rescue Matsumoto during the Winter War, but instead butted in when Rangiku was trying to draw off one enemy from the other. Her attacks are only good for sneak attacks, and she’s not useful in any way but her kido. Jumping in to save Matsumoto caused a three fukutaicho to be knocked out and chances are all of them are at captain level except for their Bankai, and Hisagi did actually have Bankai despite the fact we didn’t know at the time. The old man’s words were dirrected at her. The next time she shows up she’s interupting a fight where her enemy is over powered and having to be rescued by Komamura.

So no… I still don’t think Momo’s actual fukutaicho material, and that Shinji is just babysitting her.

Well, this person wasn’t pleased with me not seeing their point of view, and they used circular reasoning and came back to an original point they made despite the fact I countered every piece of logic they used. They proceeded to sock puppet, claim they “weren’t a fan of Momo” and finally decided to create a new account giving themselves away by revealing information left in the anonymous reviews which I had purposefully never let anyone see.

(Not the whole bit about foster siblings, I did mention something on my profile for a bit.)

They proceeded to post a spoiler for a light novel and claimed that it proved Momo was fukutaicho material because Shinji approved of her. I told her

a.) The material wasn’t canon in the United States as there was no translation available, and only a summary.

b.) Even if it were canon there were contradictions I could point out.

c.) Said synopsis actually proved me right and not her as the person noted Shinji’s desparing attitude towards Momo rather then a positive one like the reviewer claimed.

She received a major lecture about providing spoilers in summaries like that, and tried telling me I was mad because she was right and that I deserved to have the light novel spoiled. (Yeah… she really said that in a PM… no, it was an anonymous review because I blocked her.) She was sort of sorry for spoiling it for my readers, but not really.

… Anyways… onto these actual reviews.

Said content had nothing to do with the actual story in question which is why they were instantly deleted. A lot of what she said in her anonymous reviewers were honestly insulting as she pretty much said you can only be siblings if you’re blood related, or if you’re adopted. Plenty of foster siblings would disagree with that as would the children who do come to call their aunt and uncle father and mother. This was the kind of logic I dealt with in the other reviews and PMs, and why I couldn’t take her seriously.

P.S. I also googled her reviews and found I wasn’t the only writer she was trying to demand changes of. If I remember correctly the other story she told the writer Ichigo and Rukia couldn’t have premarital sex. Another point of contention was how I didn’t have Toshiro act constantly like an adult despite the fact he’s still a child. (Makes me feel really bad for him right now.) This wasn’t a pleasant situation either as her behavior amounted to harassment, and while I wasn’t bothered emotionally other then to find her annoying it did take time out of my writing schedule as I had to deal with her whether it was countering her bad logic in PM, or deleting her anonymous reviews.

I hope nobody else has to deal with a reviewer like this, but chances are you will.